In some ways, I've been writing this speech, in my head, since my sister had been diagnosed out of pure fear of coming to this moment.  When I sat down to write it though, how do you really capture in a few words, who someone is and what they mean, when it is just SO big ?  Whatever I say cannot be enough because there are not enough words.

I will try to say, though, a few words about my beautiful sister, Carrie.  And, my sister is beautiful-her face, of course, and in her heart.  She kept me laughing.  She was witty and silly. She had so many interests; such a gift for painting, photography, design, art history, antiquing the list goes on.  She was an overwhelming talent.  Her kindness; it ran so deep and came so naturally.  Whether she was picking up a stray dog, working with the Alzheimers' group, giving me a hug, or decorating the house for every holiday to make it frivolous and fun for her girls.  Just a few weeks ago, we had to go to the ER and there was another woman, a stranger, struggling to push her wheelchair forward.  Carrie who had a fever and was not feeling well got up and pushed the wheelchair for her.  We were all there. None of us moved to help. We said, "Ca, sit down, rest", Carrie then said,  "What? She needed help!" Her strength; faced with obstacles no one should be, she was able to live in the today and keep her fear at bay.  Her knowledge; she could talk in detail about the world, the complex and the minutiae.  Carrie was intelligent and full of insights to share.

A few weeks ago I was walking on the beach with my mother-inlaw, Eileen, in Jamesport and I picked up a shell. It was a piece of wampum.  You know, the purple shell the Indians used for currency.  I actually said those words out loud, "look wampum, the purple shell the Indians used for currency."  Carrie taught me that.  She used to like to find it on the beach when we were kids and as adults.  And then I said to Eileen, "see its things like that-who else would be excited to know and laugh about wampum?"  Eileen then answered me "exactly ! , Carrie's vitality, spirit, and passion is palpable and she is such a huge energy."  Or, more simply put, she is "The Magnificent Wanta!" by six year old Mia, about her aunt, her Tanta.

Carrie made life full with her caring, insight, humor, presence and most of all love.  We were so connected.  She protected, taught, and loved me.  To have someone to just sit with where you don't have to talk at all or do anything with, and it is time well spent.  When you lose the person who knows you so well; knows what you are going to say, how you think, your likes and dislikes, who you can have an argument with and then fogive and truly forget because your love is stronger, someone who can soak up your sadness and multiply your happiness... I will miss talking to her, sharing our memories together, hearing her voice.  But, I will think all the time of her easy smile, her gentle and fun way and carry all of her in my heart to share with her beautiful girls, and to share with the world, all the beautiful things Carrie shared with all of us.